About 6 weeks ago on Mother's day I took a pregnancy test. It was positive.
I take pregnancy tests all of the time...but this time was different. I had been REALLY lazy about charting and there was this one night...
Both my husband and I panicked. Baby #3 just wasn't part of OUR plan.
The questions that had no good answers plagued us. And the only answer we could ever come up with is that it will just work out. Somehow. Someway. And we love you to pieces just as we love your brother and sister.
I just wish it wasn't THIS way.
And I just want it to be over.
I never felt life with this little one the way that I did with my other children. That is, until Sunday night when I was in the shower and I felt you praying for me from heaven.
The ultrasound yesterday confirmed what I already knew: you weren't with me anymore.
I am so sad I'll never get to hold you. to hear your sweet cries. to watch your daddy fall in love with you as I have. To share you with your brother and sister. They so wanted a little baby brother. That you'll never get to be a part of our family. at least not this side of heaven. But you are a part of us.
You were a surprise and sweet message from Jesus.
You are loved.
And I feel you watching over us.
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