Infant Loss

In the past two years I have been blessed with two perfectly healthy babies. Life has changed in ways I never could have imagined. But during that time, three families close to me have dealt with infant loss.

I remember getting the news while on maternity leave with Matthew in my arms that my friend Brooke had lost her son Edwin. My arms physically ached for her.

Charlotte will never grow up with her best friend Ruthie.

And today, baby Landon left us to be with Jesus.

And there are many, many more women who have their own story of loss that I do not know about.

There was this video posted this week of one woman's journey.  And her blog journals the PTSD that she struggles with daily.

It just makes no sense to me. My heart breaks for each of these families. And especially for the mothers.

Can you ever really recover from the loss of a child?

When I was in my late 20s, the worst thing I could ever think of at that time actually became a reality (my abusive marriage ended, for those that might not know). It was an awful time that took years to recover from. But I recovered. It was a lot of work. And I still have nightmares from time to time. But today, I can clearly see that it was for the best and God had good things waiting for me.

But I just cannot fathom how God can redeem the loss of a child?

But wait, as Christians, we believe that God gave HIS only child for our sins. So that WE could have life. THAT is our redemption.  He died so that we may have life.

So God has actually experienced this horrible kind of loss. The loss of a child.  His only son.  And it was a horrible death.  Death on a cross.

How often do we spout off "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him shall have eternal life."  without really focusing on the words.  he. gave. his. only. begotten. son.

So he knows as well as anyone what these parents experience.  He lost Jesus during those three days of darkness.

But this just never answers the why? Why would he allow this awfulness? Other types of pain and loss here on earth are generally caused by our own sinfulness. But infant loss? Why would he create life that is destined to be so short lived? And often painfully so.

I don't have any answers to this but when faced with these questions I always end up with Paul (the apostle, not my hubby) and his passionate speech in Philippians 3:7-11. Especially vs 10:

10 Now I have given up everything else—I have found it to be the only way to really know Christ and to experience the mighty power that brought him back to life again, and to find out what it means to suffer and to die with him. (The Living Bible)

Until tonight I have always focused on the second part of the verse: that when we suffer we share in Christ's suffering on the cross.  But tonight the first part of the verse jumps out at me: if we suffer with him on the cross, we share in his resurrection.  What does the Resurrection mean to us today?  Eternal life.  Peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding.  His presence as we face trials and tribulation, which he promised will come.

I came across a few great blog posts as I looked up some of these verses. Here they are if you want some further reading by someone with actual credentials.  I am just a believer trying to make sense of the pain in my world.

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/resources/sacraments/anointing-of-the-sick/st-paul-explains-the-meaning-of-suffering/

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2010/02/06/the-purpose-of-pauls-suffering-to-mediate-christs-resurrection-life/

http://calvarychapel.com/blog/suffering-for-jesus