An Angel to Watch Over Us

About 6 weeks ago on Mother's day I took a pregnancy test.  It was positive.

I take pregnancy tests all of the time...but this time was different.  I had been REALLY lazy about charting and there was this one night...

Both my husband and I panicked.  Baby #3 just wasn't part of OUR plan.

The questions that had no good answers plagued us. And the only answer we could ever come up with is that it will just work out.  Somehow.  Someway. And we love you to pieces just as we love your brother and sister. 

I just wish it wasn't THIS way.

And I just want it to be over.

I never felt life with this little one the way that I did with my other children.  That is, until Sunday night when I was in the shower and I felt you praying for me from heaven.

The ultrasound yesterday confirmed what I already knew: you weren't with me anymore.

I am so sad I'll never get to hold you. to hear your sweet cries.  to watch your daddy fall in love with you as I have. To share you with your brother and sister. They so wanted a little baby brother.  That you'll never get to be a part of our family.  at least not this side of heaven.  But you are a part of us.  

You were a surprise and sweet message from Jesus.

You are loved.

And I feel you watching over us.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ever feel like you just HAVE to say something.  You really don't want to because it is just too personal and it probably isn't going to go over too well.  But still, you just HAVE to say it?  Well, here we go.

I am very concerned about all of this hype surrounding Fifty Shades of Grey.

When the books first came out, I just thought they were about kinky sex.  That can be fun, right?  For whatever reason I never got around to reading them and then the hype about the movie started.  Then I started seeing articles voicing concern about the movie's message.  This surely cannot be a good thing?  So, I read this summary of the book.  My reaction to the content is physical (no, not the kinky sex part) but to the relationship between Christian and Ana...it was like reading about my former life.

You see, I was in an abusive relationship.  You can read the full story about that here.

So when I start hearing that a movie like Fifty Shades of Grey makes abuse glamorous it concerns me.  It is not ok to abuse your partner.  Ever.

I haven't read the books and have no plans to see the movie. I don't want to watch my former life glamorized all over a big screen. There was nothing glamorous about that life.

I was shamed.  belittled.  accused.  humiliated.  isolated.

abused.

There were no "safe words" that could get me out of that hell and make it stop.  I remember begging God to make it end...that if what I was living through was the best I could ever hope for, to just make it all end.  And mercifully He did.

So please, think about the message that this movie sends all women.  If anything, this movie is creating a great opportunity to talk about what a healthy relationship looks like.  And let's be clear, there is nothing healthy about Ana and Christian.  In real life, this story would not end well.  Men like Christian end up in jail and women like Ana end up battered or even dead.

The most important thing I learned as I healed from the abuse, is that I am worth waiting for.  That I am worth fighting for.  And that being true to myself is the best gift I have to give this world.  I want my daughter to know this about herself NOW and not have to endure years of abuse to discover her worth.  So yes, movies like Fifty Shades of Grey concern me.

Resources:
Miriam Grossman has been blogging about Fifty Shades of Grey and has some great insights about how to talk to your kids about these things.

Meg Meeker has great insights into the hearts of our children.